


Without You

by waywardwritings



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Angels, Angst with a Happy Ending, Depression, Friends to Lovers, Hurt Merlin (Merlin), Hurt/Comfort, It's a Wonderful Life, Leon and Merlin are bros, M/M, Magic Revealed, Merlin Needs a Hug (Merlin), Mutual Pining, Protective Knights (Merlin), british mythology - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-21
Updated: 2020-04-23
Packaged: 2021-02-27 22:34:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,609
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22773439
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/waywardwritings/pseuds/waywardwritings
Summary: Merlin is going on a down hill spiral then he gets badly injured on a hunt. He doesn't know if he wants to wake up.
Relationships: Gwaine/Leon (Merlin), Gwen & Merlin (Merlin), Gwen/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Knights of the Round Table & Merlin (Merlin), Merlin & Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Merlin/Percival (Merlin)
Comments: 6
Kudos: 98





	1. The Hunt

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first work on here, I do take constructive criticism and advice.

The knights, Merlin and Arthur are out for a leisurely hunting trip. Of which is just a couple unofficial days off for Arthur. Merlin honestly does not enjoy hunting, it is tedious and he doesn't like to see animals get hurt. Although he does like spending time with his friends, even that was becoming tiring for the young warlock. Feeling like his life was worthless and he himself was inept at doing of all the simple tasks Arthur had set him and the fact Arthur seemingly felt like it was his life’s purpose to make things harder for Merlin. His 'great' destiny was draining him out making him feel numb all of the time, he barely slept or ate making him lose weight as if he wasn’t already thin enough. Not having any time to himself at all keeping all of his magic pent up . Whilst Merlin was dozing off in his own world, the others were concerned for their friend. They noticed how Merlin stopped smiling so freely and how his shoulders tensed, as well as how out of it he was. 

The thoughts galloping through Merlin’s mind was that something bad was going to happen, something big but experience taught him that telling does nothing whatsoever.

Arthur thought he was just tired, nothing other than a few days off would fix. After all this was Merlin he always bounces back. Doesn't he? Leon was extremely concerned, especially when he caught a glimpse of a scar on his wrist. Eylan has always been protective of the serving boy, Gwen told him about the times he looked after her and tried to save their father from being killed. Percival has never been as loud or as out there as the other knights, but he always observed and has seen first hand Merlin's self destructive behaviour, although it couldn’t be seen on his face Percy was scared but didn’t know what to do. His worrying eagerness to jump into the fire when someone needed his help, even though it was usually praised. Lancelot's heart went out to his dear friend, even though there was a promise of no secrets between them he knew that Merlin felt like he was alone. No matter how much Lancelot tried to help he couldn't seem to get through to him, after everything Merlin had done for him. Gwaine was petrified for Merlin, his first friend. He gave Gwaine his purpose and showed a clear path in his life, helping him find a family he didn’t know he needed.

Merlin had fallen back slightly, and Elyan slowed his horse to keep in time with him. Attempting to initiate a conversation by softly calling his name. Shocking Merlin into paying attention to the knight beside him and tried his hardest to smile, it did not reach his eyes. "Merlin you're awfully quiet, what's wrong?"

Merlin started to get fidgety on his horse. "Nothing, no, nothing at all."

"Really, Merlin you don't sound so sure." Arthur spoke loudly so Merlin could catch the jibe and hopefully throw it back.

"I'm fine"

He hoped that would be enough to get the others off his case. In truth Merlin was just plain shattered and felt worthless, he did every so often but those feelings always passed. Merlin had come to peace with this, acknowledging that it was okay to feel this way once in a while. Although he despised allowing his friends to see him like this, especially Percival. 

Liar! They thought. Collectively the knights felt their hearts hurt over those two little words meant for reassurance but it certainly didn't feel like that. Elyan clapped Merlin's shoulder in a show of affection. Also to get him to catch up with the rest of the group, they didn’t want to lose him. In more ways than one. 

Twigs snapped, setting the group on edge and a threatening roar caused them to ready their weapons. The beast came into their view. It was a huge beast, at least twice the size of Percival, that had glowing green eyes, ghostly fumes coming from its paws . "That's a Black Dog!" Merlin pulled a worried face at the others.

The knights dismounted their horses getting into a defensive position as the beast charged swiping its giant paw knocking Percival back a few metres. Gwaine threw a middle blow slashing the shoulder of the beast, it hissed in pain as Gwaine moved out of range of its head that snapped forward trying to bite him. 

Leon tried to slash its stomach, but was pushed back by Lancelot to prevent them from getting bitten by the beast dagger sized teeth. Elyan thrusted his sword provoking the creature who growled menacingly, trying to use its tail to knock the knight out but ultimately failing. Elyan fell to the ground dodging the claws, as the beast tried to attack again, Arthur distracted the beast by slashing its thigh. Successfully causing the creature to pounce on Arthur holding him down with its paws. So Merlin had to intervene, he grabbed Percival's sword which was lying on the floor and sprinted towards the creature.

The black dog saw Merlin out of the corner of his eye and ran to him then bowing down to prepare himself to bite the man. He raised his arm so nothing major got bitten, Merlin realised that he was trapped within the beast’s jaws. His arm was shattered within the beasts hold and blood spilling out of his veins. He was thrown into a giant rock with a deafening crack. Although semi conscious he groaned.

"Merlin." Arthur shouted.

As he picked up his sword as the beast was stalking Merlin ready to go in for the kill, solely focused on him, but that wasn’t going to happen. Arthur charged at the beast sword raised, but the Black Dog bit the blade and broke it into several pieces. By this time Percival was up blocking the beast’s path towards Merlin, with a rare look of fury on his face. The black dog growled and disappeared into a black puff of smoke, it’s work was done.

By this point Merlin had left any form of consciousness behind as the pain and shock were unbearable to fight the effects for long.


	2. Save Him

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Its a race against time to get Merlin back to Camelot. Gaius says that they should fear the worst, but nobody is gonna give up that easily. Gwaine does something he wasn't done in a long time.

It took a few moments for everyone to process what happened, before they leapt into action. Arthur assuming his authoritative role. "Percival grabs the horses. Lancelot helped me stop the bleeding. Leon, Merlin is going to ride with you. Elyan and Gwaine you ride back to Camelot and tell Gaius that Merlin has been severely injured." He ordered.

The knights rush off Elyan and Gwaine taking their horses from Percival and galloping off. Lancelot ripped his cape as a makeshift bandage and with the help of Arthur, wrapped it around Merlin's abdomen. Arthur gently lifted Merlin up to get on Leon's horse, that he was already on, so they could hurry up and get him back to Camelot. As soon as Leon had a tight grip on him he started to leave and both Lancelot and Arthur rushed to their horses that Percival was shakily holding. They all took off following Leon. Wind ripping through their hair as they rode as fast as the horses could take them. 

Leon felt blood soak the makeshift bandage and urged his horse to go a little faster, he heard the laboured breaths that made him fear for Merlin’s life more. Sure he has lost friends before but this was Merlin and he never seemed to even get hurt even though he didn’t have a single piece of armour on. This was the man he saw as a little brother, loyal and funny, now dying in his arms. 

The Castle can be seen the sun starting to hide behind it. But the horses began to tire and slow down to a canter. Dusk was upon them as they entered the city gates the citizens who saw gasped as they saw the usually happy go lucky serving boy within an inch of his life. As the horses stopped Arthur got off his horse to take Merlin of Leon, carrying bridal style up the stairs with the others following him to get their friend to the old physician. 

Arthur kicks the door, seeing Gwaine, Elyan, Gwen and Gauis preparing a cot and gathering supplies. Gaius sees them "Quickly put him here!"

As he placed Merlin on the cot and Gaius removed the soaked makeshift bandage. Revealing that the wound had turned a violent purple colour and looked as though it was travelling through his veins. "What did this?" Gwen gasped.

Lancelot spoke up looking sorrowfully at his dear friend "he said it was a black dog."

Gaius paled even more and told the knights to leave. Although Gwen stayed as a helpful assistant to Gaius as she is. They worked hard to help him. "We have to remove the poison"

Gwen gasped as she saw that the blood on Merlin’s arm was a sage green colour was wiping the oozing poison away from the wound as pressed around the wound trying to draw the vile liquid out of his system. Once they were confident that they had removed the poison they moved to also stitch up his wound or he would die of blood loss.   
But Gauis knew it would be impossible to heal the breaks without magic even if he can survive to become conscious again, the likelihood would be that Merlin will never be able to walk again.

Meanwhile the knights were waiting outside of Gaius' chambers. Staring at the door with blank expressions, all except Percival who was crying a little, nobody would say a word. Lancelot crouched down next to and wrapped his arm around the knight's broad shoulders encouraging him to lean into his side. Arthur looked to his knights seeing the pain they're in. "He's going to be okay, he always ends up fine and smiling like an idiot sooner or later."

"You're hopefully right but Merlin has been off lately, something is wrong." Gwaine shook his head.

"I agree, something has been wrong for a while now." Leon added.

"We'll figure it out, we've got to."

The group went quiet refusing to look at one another then the door creaked open and they quickly looked up seeing Gwen. She had tears in her eyes as she gestured for them to come in. Percival and Lancelot got off the ground and were the last to enter, seeing Gaius looking worse for wear. Merlin. Well Merlin looked as if he were on death's door, but in truth that was exactly where he was. Percival was the only one who dared to get closer to Merlin. He knelt down to his knees and grasped his still hand. Rubbing his thumb over the back of Merlin’s thin, work worn hand. 

It was no secret to everyone that Percival had a soft spot for Merlin, except to maybe Merlin himself. But Lancelot knew better, he knew that Merlin felt the same for the youngest knight but he also knew about Freya, Merlin’s magic and his bad thoughts. He let Gaius know, against his friend’s wishes but he was slowly getting better. Or so he thought.

“Will he recover Gaius?” Leon asked, not even looking at the physician.

“Even though I am confident the poison is gone, he may still lose his arm and never walk again. All providing that he wakes up at all.”

Gwen’s shoulders shook as she sobbed, looking at her friend, Arthur took her into his arms rubbing her back gently resting his chin on top of her head. A few tears falling down his cheeks, arms tightening around her as he struggled to remain composed.

Percival moved closer to Merlin, stroking his cheek softly with his thumb whispering, “please please please wake up Merlin I… we need you to be okay.”

It was horrible to witness the scene playing out, the lack of hope in this situation was unbearable to Gwaine as he busted out of the room with rage causing the others flinch. Merlin is family to Gwaine and Leon inwardly caused at himself, as Merlin was probably the first person to extend friendship and unconditional love. He gave it freely to all of them. Maybe Leon should take a page out of Merlin’s book. “I’ll go check on him.”

With that, Leon left Gaius’ quarters in pursuit of Gwaine. At first he thought about heading straight to the tavern but decided against it and took himself to Gwaine’s room. It wasn't too far from Leon’s own room. He passed Balin and Lucan two guards patrolling the hallway. He nodded his head at the two. They looked sad, but not everyone would see, but Merlin was their friend as well. It was easy to forget that every guard loved the serving boy as well. 

Leon stopped outside of Gwaine’s door that was open sightly a line of warm yellow light was on his face. He was about to push the door open until he heard Gwaine’s strained voice. “Hey I haven’t done this for a while but here it goes.”

Leon moved to see Gwaine fidgeting to comfortably kneel on the floor elbows on his bed, hands clasped together. “I need help, what ever one of you is listening.”  
Thankfully Gwaine wasn’t practising magic, Leon chose to keep listening in quietly. “My friend… No brother needs help. He's dying you see but he can’t.”

No he can’t, Leon agreed mentally. Merlin is a vital part of their family. “Cause he is needed, but he is hurt inside as well as actually on death’s door. Death sure as hell don’t deserve him. I know it's been a while but save him… please.”

With a sigh Leon entered the room making Gwaine jump, turning around to make eye contact. Walking towards Gwaine mumbling an apology, taking a seat next to him on the floor. There was a silence between the two knights but it wasn’t comfortable, there was a burning question in the air. “What was that?”

Gwaine shrugged. “A prayer. My Mother did something like that every time things got rough. Drifting sort of made me pray most nights looking for a purpose in my life, then they brought Merlin to me.”

“They?”

“Mother called them angels, sacred beings that are wrathful warriors and defenders of men.”

“Okay.”

Back at Gaius’s Chamber Lancelot and Percival were the only ones left in the main room. Gaius took Merlin’s room for the night. Eylan took Gwen home, while Arthur went back to his chambers only after Lancelot promised to stay and keep an eye on Merlin and Percival, who was now asleep holding Merlin’s hand. Huffing out he rubbed his eyes to stay awake, looking at the window he saw an owl perched there a yellow light glowing around its head sky blue wings the breast feathers were multiple colours. It flew down and landed on a stool shaking itself puffing up its feathers, tilting its head as Lancelot approached it slowly lifting his hand to stroke it. Making a noise of approval as Lancelot petted it. 

Lancelot quickly pulled its hand away as the bird began to fade to a wispy grey mist, just as it appeared it was gone.


	3. Lasso the Moon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin follows a stag but not all is as it seems, when is turns into a man

Merlin woke up in a luscious green forest, similar to Camelot’s but not exactly, groaning as he moved himself into a sitting position. It took him a moment to remember what happened and he started to panic. Looking around frantically for the others, scrambling up to his feet falling back only for his light headedness to cause him to the ground almost instantly. Getting frustrated he hit the ground with his fist cursing as it hurt. Tears threatening to escape from his eyes. Percival was in front of him what if he got hurt before the beast collapsed. 

He tried to get up again, this time successfully. “Arthur! Perce! Lance! Gwaine! Leon! Elyan!” Merlin shouted.

There was no reply, he looked around and caught a glimpse of a stag. But it wasn’t a run of the mill stag, his antlers were yellow, fur on his back was a sky blue and the fur on his stomach multicolour not unlike a rainbow. 

It started to trot away snorting for Merlin to follow him, so he did. Lifting branches to stop them from hitting his face as the stag just walk through them letting Merlin be the target of them when they sprung back. “Where are you leading me?”

In truth Merlin had no idea why he was attempting conversation with a magical deer but here he was, maybe because it was magic. Unlike any magic Merlin was used to but magic nonetheless. Even though the deer said nothing Merlin felt compelled to ask more questions. “Are my friends okay?”

The deer continued walking without a word, of course it would not give Merlin a reply. As it carried on forward for a little while, however the warlock was still confused on why he felt compelled to follow. He was hoping it would lead him to his friends. The deer stopped at a beautiful lake that shimmered as the sun’s light hit the surface, it was stunning. All of Merlin’s numbness seemed to be replaced with a calm sense of joy. Then the deer had started to transform a grey mist swirling around the creature as it morphed into a humanoid creature, sky blue wings, rainbow coloured robes, warm laurel headband and grey-blue eyes. 

“What… who are you?! Merlin backed away slightly.

“I go by many names and what I am is down to your comprehension.” He? It? Spoke.

“So you're a cryptic creature, great.” Sarcasm dripping from Merlin’s tongue.

“Nah, not today. You can call me Raziel and I’m an angel.” He smiled at Merlin.

“Where are we?” 

“In your head.” 

“Okay… Why?”

“You're dying, I am here to help you.”

Makes sense Merlin studied the angel in front of him. He had black hair, a steely expression and he was slightly shorter than Merlin. “So you gonna heal me and go our separate ways.”

“No, because it's not just physically you're hurting, it's in here as well.”

Merlin was silent, with a shocked expression on his face. Sure people asked if he was alright but one really said straight up that he wasn’t okay and wanted to try to help him. The reason why Raziel would want to help him is beyond him. 

“Because you are worth it and important to many people.”

“D… did you just read my mind?”

“All these questions fledgling and half of which unneeded.”

Merlin gaped. Mind racing.

“Look birdie I know I am awesome but I didn’t lasso the moon and give it to you.”

Merlin closed his mouth, shuffling awkwardly, how was he going to help surly he was a lost cause by now. Shit he can read minds apparently, he looked at Raziel who had a mischievous glint in his eyes. He groaned out loud, he was beginning to feel uncomfortable. “So how is this going to work?”

“You tell me your true feelings and then I do some divine crap and help, sounds weird but just accept it.” 

Merlin nodded biting his lip a little. Where did he start with his feelings thinking a little he realised it could all be summed up in a mere sentence. Once he got through the tiredness, the worthlessness, the overwhelming anxiety and emptiness it was easy to condense it. “I wish I was never born.”

Raziel looked heart-broken, not expecting it to be as bad as it was, subconsciously his wings raised and lowered in anger. He wished his superiors kept a better eye on the boy and called him sooner, seriously he wasn’t the wizardly angel for no reason. Maybe it was his fault he made Merlin his responsibility since it was written to be him who saved earth’s magic. If he wasn’t so wrapped up in his studies and ruling a planet it would have never come to this.

“Why do you wish that?” Raziel forced out.

“It would be better for everyone, there has to be someone better equipped to be Emrys.”

“I happen to disagree.”

“Really?! I have failed so far.” Merlin started to raise his voice.

“You’ve taken necessary steps for the journey but it has yet to come close to completion.” The angel tried to stay calm.

“Anyone else could have done this job better than I have.” Merlin was shouting now.

“Mistakes are a part of the human experience.” Raziel said evenly.

“I am the most powerful warlock to ever walk the earth, I’m not meant to fail.” Merlin’s shouting morphed into anguished cries as he sat down and pulled his knees into his chest.

“You are still a man fledgling, men rise and fall, but everything single person is worth a great deal, including you.” Raziel wrapped one of his large sky blue wings around Merlin while rubbing his arm in an attempt of comfort.

“Prove it.” Merlin whimpered.

That there was a start, knowing that it was possible for him to be worth something. Raziel beamed with hope humans were most certainly extraordinary creatures. The angel knew what he had to do from here. He stood up.

“If you’re sure.” He snapped his figures.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Raziel's appearence is based of Ian Somerhalder


	4. Harshness is greying

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin is flung into an alternate Camelot and he is clueless and scared after he leaves Raziel's not so watchful eye.

Both Merlin and Raziel appeared in Camelot but it definitely not Merlin’s Camelot. It seemed lifeless and seemed to have a greyish tinge to the place. There were people but they moved slowly as if they were dragging weights around with them, their shoulders slumped no smiles, no children running around playing. This wasn’t Merlin’s home, that had been his for the past five years no way. Where was everyone?

“This is Camelot if you were never born.” Raziel pointed out.

Merlin was mortified, so the rational thing for him to do take off running ignoring Raziel’s shouts for him. All he knew is that he had to get to Arthur’s chambers. Who did this prick think he is? Although he was powerful even more so than the warlock, this scared Merlin inside he had never met someone actually more powerful than he was just a lot more experienced but never more powerful. But if he was as powerful as Merlin sense why doesn’t he just snap his fingers and make Merlin better. What was the bloody point of this!

He tried to enter the castle but two guards stopped him from entering! Lucan was staring at Merlin something in his eyes was off they weren’t kind nor carefree and the guard next to him wasn’t Balin. The two were inseparable like brothers, hell even their wives were best friends. But now Lucan was pointing a spear to Merlin’s throat. “Please I have to speak to the King!”

“State your business with King Uther.” Lucan growled.

Uther, no that can’t be right he wasn’t in the right mind to rule the kingdom, despite this stumble he managed to find a reasonable excuse. “There was a… a griffin in the woods and I thought it should be brought to the attention of the King… sir.”

Lucan huffed and rolled his eyes and turned around beckoning Merlin to follow him, so he did. The hallways were not decorated with tapestries or paints of past lords and royals. The servants fearfully averted their eyes from the oncoming pair. The servants were always greeted Merlin when he came down the halls during his chores for Arthur or helping someone. They were coming up to the set of doors that would reveal the throne room and Merlin felt bile rise up his throat, Uther had always scared him. 

Lucan shoved the doors open, as they swung Uther looked up appearing to be more menacing than Merlin had ever seen him. The scowl was gone, now he feral expression that looked like it was there permanently. He seemed to be an odd mix of rage and death. Uther looked dead inside and yet too angry to deal with it. The King was glaring at Merlin, he was surprised that he didn’t quiver in fear. Merlin had always feared Uther a great deal, he has lived his whole life wishing there something right with him, no magic, not falling for Perci… Merlin stopped mid-thought as the King interrupted his process.

“State your reason for being here today.” Uther’s voice boomed.

“There was a Griffin in the woods m'lord, it came from thin air Sire!” Merlin waved his hands around erratically to make him seem scared.

Uther regarded him with a weary eye seeing if the boy was speaking a semblance of truth, luckily he believed Merlin. “Leon! Take a group of your finest knights and stop this creature.”

Merlin’s head snapped to look at Leon, he could scream, what the hell happened to him. His hair was gone, Leon had no hair if Merlin wasn’t close to fainting he would have laughed his head off. Weirdly enough Leon wasn’t well Leon. He was tense, more so than when Gwaine had a mission without him and that was really tense. The first knight would be snappy so Merlin noted that he should stay out of his way today. Leon left the room with a mere nod of respect towards the king, he didn’t spare Merlin a second glance but Merlin shrugged it off to being in the Kings presents. 

Merlin turned around to see the king toss a bag of coins at him which he barely caught. “Thank you, Sire.”

Uther waved his hand dismissively and sent Merlin away, he bowed to the King and was allowed to leave on his own. Another guard opened the door for Merlin, he looked like Marrock but he couldn’t actually tell at this point. If it was Marrock why was half his face scarred with burnt skin on his face. What happened here, Merlin thought to himself as he left the throne room stuffing the bag of coins into the pocket of his muddy brown jacket. So Merlin was going to head to Giaus’ he needed to speak with him, he needed to know what was going on here.

The young warlock was hesitant as he approached the door, sensing that it probably wasn’t the best idea to just barge in so he gently knocked the door. He heard a gruff ‘come in’ it did sound like Giaus but it did. Merlin gently opened the door, it was Giaus, sighing a “Hello.” Merlin entered the room fully.

When Gaius didn’t hug him or give him any sign of affection, that hurt. At this point it finally seemed to settle in his head that in this reality Merlin was never born. He observed the man who became his father figure when he needed one the most. Giaus looked to be on the brink of his grave and Merlin’s heart shattered. He truly didn’t know he could cause this, to put his mentor in so much pain by not even being here. The only thing Merlin could will himself to do is run out of there.

He dashed through the hallways tears in his eyes, where was Raziel? Merlin didn’t even know where his feet were taking him. That was until he crashed into someone.

“Ow! Watch it!”

From the amount his head was whipping in different directions he was surprised that he hadn’t snapped his neck. But he couldn’t help it. He knew that voice. His eyes widened as he took her appearance in eyes held a harshness he had never seen before, especially her. This Camelot had ruined her.

This was not Gwen.


	5. Spectrum of Guilt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone has come to the realisation that Merlin may not make it and are trying to come to terms with it, some more reluctant than others.

Lancelot eventually got Percival out of Giaus’ chambers to get washed and changed, exchanging places with Gwaine and Elyan. He walked Percival to his room, the younger man’s shoulders were slumped. All Percival wanted was to stay with Merlin. Lost in thought he didn’t realise that they had already got to his room until Lancelot stopped him and gently nudged him inside, the bathtub filled and still warm. Wordlessly he undressed himself, not caring if Lance was still in the room, and got in the tub. There was a sound of the door shutting, he didn’t care at this point. All he could think about was Merlin; the images in his were playing on repeat, seeing the man he loves being thrown about so easily. The blood, Percival swore it was on his hands he saw blood on his hands. Though rationally he knew he was only seeing things but the guilt was eating him inside out, how could he let that happen to him. Then the image of Merlin laying on the patient’s cot, pale and lifeless only the faint rise and fall of his chest. Fearing the moment it might not as the morning came and Percival woke up, cursing himself that he fell asleep, but relieved that Merlin was still breathing. Yet ashamed of himself yet again as he saw Lancelot with bags under his eye. Then Lance forced him out as Gwaine and Elyan came in to take over. Feeling bad he let Lancelot take him to his room and now he is here now sitting in cold water.

After washing Percival dried off and put more comfortable clothes on, of which consisted light green tunic, brown trousers and riding boots. Short hair stuck to his forehead. He walked out of his room to get back to Merlin quickly hoping that he had been improving whilst he was gone, even though it had only been an hour. As he walked he heard light snoring from Lance’s room, he must have been exhausted and it wasn’t fair to keep him up longer. He didn’t need to prove his love for Merlin; they were already so close. Although Percival knew it was never in a romantic sense jealousy flared up inside of him, he wished that he and Merlin had that kind of closeness. He cursed himself being envious, their relationship was different to the one he desired with Merlin. If only he had the courage to say what was in his heart before all of this happened. He continued walking to Gaius’ chambers.

Leon was in his chambers. They were larger than the other knights. Not by much but Arthur had gifted them to him when he became first knight a little over two months ago. He was filling out a report of the hunt since Arthur was in no such state to do it. Besides he wasn’t in the mood to do nothing, so after he finished his own duties, he borrowed some of Arthur and Gwaine’s to keep himself occupied. It helped Gwaine out as well and if he was being completely honest with himself, he usually took some of Gwaine’s duties if he noticed him having a rough day. He couldn’t bear to even think of Merlin right now, he blamed himself of course. The smaller man had allowed Leon to feel more free and less stressed as looking out for Arthur was… no is a duty that they had agreed to share. He smiled remembering the day they made that pact, a mere day after the great dragon attack.

Leon woke up in a clear fellow knights dead but no Arthur and Merlin. Fear settled in his stomach they were dead, no they better not be. He got up and glanced around at the other knights who joined to see their bodies charred. Why do I always survive? He thought sadly to himself. He would have to get guards to take them when he got home. Hobbling he started to move in the direction of the castle. Wandering through the forest, a snapping of branches could be heard in front of him, he unsheathed his sword and got ready to attack. The brushes rustled ahead of him and his shoulders tensed. It was Merlin, Leon smiled. “Merlin!”

“Leon you're okay!” 

Merlin Looked so relieved to see that he was alive and sort of well. Then it hit him “where’s Arthur?”

“Back at the castle recovering from a concussion, I came back to look for survivors.” His smile faltered. “Only you?”

Leon looked down “yes.”

Merlin walked up to him checking his wounds, his side had stopped bleeding but his hand was burnt and something must be wrong with his leg. “Thanks for taking care of Arthur.”

“It’s my responsibility.” Merlin shrugged.

Leon huffed a laugh in surprise. “That’s my job too, you don’t have to do that.”

“Well, he is a bit of an idiot so requires round the clock care.” He smiled, Leon laughed.

“I guess we just have to work together on that then.”

“Agreed.”

Elyan was watching over Merlin in Gaius’ chambers with Gwaine, they said a few words to each other as if they were already mourning Merlin’s death. Even though it felt hopeless, he was not going to give up. Merlin never gave up on his family, looking out for Gwen and his father whilst he was still alive, saving Elyan when he was captured by Cendred. He gave Elyan just as much brotherly love he gave Gwen without question. It took no time at all for Elyan to feel like he belonged, he had a true home. He never found that in Camelot before, even though he had Gwen and his father, the sense of restlessness faded away from him. Merlin just had a grounding aura around him. He knew Gwaine felt it as well, as he didn’t really have a home until Merlin welcomed him here with open arms and Bam Gwaine had a home and family. Yet Elyan wasn’t entirely sure if this was correct since Gwaine had shit faced when he said so not exactly the most reliable piece of information he got from Gwaine. But nevertheless he and Gwaine both understood the restlessness yet need for stability, perhaps why knighthood has helped them both. 

The silence between them had started to become unbearable since Gwaine is… well Gwaine and quiet just did not sit right. Especially since Gwaine stormed out last night. “Gwaine, I know its a stupid question but, how are you feeling?”

Gwaine shook his head and huffed a frustrated laugh. “Not great, a brother is on death’s door, a friend might lose the love of his life and I think I realised that I’m in love as well. Shit did I say that all out loud”

He cursed inwardly what was with his verbal filter recently. Despite what many of his friends think he is a very well guarded person. His walls were tumbling down and he hated it and Merlin wasn’t around to help him. He physically flinched at himself, Merlin was his brother not his physician he should be treated as such by Gwaine. He silently vowed that he will be a better brother if… when Merlin gets better. 

“Yes, I won’t say anything.”

Gwaine nodded. “Thank you.”

“It's Leon isn't it?” It wasn’t a question as such but more of a statement.

Gwaine spluttered in shock. “H… how did you know? Sard!”

He just admitted his love for Leon to Elyan. Today is not a good day, everything is becoming too much for him. Why is this happening to him?

Elyan shrugged. “Common knowledge, everyone knows except Leon, funnily enough.”

Yeah everyone knew just as they do know that Merlin and Percival spent their spare time pining for each other. The palace betting pool was going out of control.   
They drifted into a silence again this one a lot more comfortable.

Arthur and Gwen had been in their chambers processing what had actually happened both still in shock over what had happened a little under a day ago. Both had tear stains down their cheeks as they sat on the floor opposite one another legs crossed. They were lost on how they would move forward there was no plan for the time that Merlin may not be around. It was hard, more so for Arthur, it was hard to accept Merlin’s mortality. The amount of times Merlin has followed him into battle with nothing more than the clothes on his back. If Merlin wakes up Arthur will make sure that he will have chainmail of his own. Arthur tried to shake the ‘if’ out of his mind. As well as the image of Merlin finding out that he is never going to walk again. Before he knew it Arthur was starting to cry again. Thankfully only Gwen was there, only she and Merlin were allowed to see the crown prince cry. 

Gwen sighed consoling Arthur as another bout of crying had started, but it was hard. Merlin was her best friend and has been through thick and thin, she also thought about how Percival was doing. If he were to actually die everybody would be so broken up over this and it could create a dramatic impact on Camelot and not in a good way. Merlin would know what to do, Gwen tensed. What you do when everyone’s rock is broken, what do you do when the one who always answers isn’t around? Gwen hugged Arthur tighter, not yet ready to let go, not crying just mournfully. 

Gaius has kept a watchful eye on Merlin for six years now and it still hurt him tremendously to see his surrogate son like this. Though he supposed that he should be used to it by now, Merlin's mortality is hitting him like a ton of bricks. Giaus felt lost, he hadn’t felt that in a long time and even with the little magic Gaius possessed would do very little and the knights we’re all taking turns to watch over Merlin. Not that he didn’t appreciate it, he did, but there was no way he could perform a spell discretely enough. Unless it was just Lancelot in the room and he could just send one of the other knights to fetch something so he could attempt to place Merlin in a more stable condition. Yes as soon as Lancelot was watching over Merlin with someone, but that all hinges on when Lancelot was back with them. Hopefully that will be soon.

Meanwhile Lancelot was now awake and stretching but felt bad for going to sleep and for so long he tried to get up but the sudden lightheadedness caused him to fall down on his bed. He sighed and stayed sitting still, scratching the back of his head. Thinking about Merlin he forced himself back, even though he had faith that Merlin would be fine. Surely his magic wouldn’t allow him to have any life long injuries, Lancelot was very aware that Merlin is still only human. Sometimes he felt that the others forget this because Merlin has always been there. But still his heart went out for the others especially Percival, Merlin was his soft spot even if he never spoke about this. Just because Percival was a quiet man didn’t mean he was hard to read, one should know the signs then they’ll be set. It was the same with Merlin. The fact that neither of them has gotten the hint yet is unbelievable but not all that surprising. 

He got up again heading over to Gaius’ chambers assuming Percy would already be there, remembering the strange owl he saw and the presence of safety it seemed to give off. Maybe it was wrong to assume it was a good force but something inside him told him it was no threat but a guardian of some sort. At least that’s what Lancelot had hoped.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long and I hope your wait was worth it.


End file.
